hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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