I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
