i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize