I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize