normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
