just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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