This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
