i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
