My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
