dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
