speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
