Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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