how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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