wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
