So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
