And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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