I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
