so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
