Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
