If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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