cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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