I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
