Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
