i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
