JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This house was built for laser tag.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
my liver is dry heaving
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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