but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
