So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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