Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
