Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He did a backflip because drugs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
