You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
