I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
