The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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