Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
