it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
