I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
