Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
