something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm at about main and main street
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
