butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
