He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
