I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
