I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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