Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just pynch a tree in the face
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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