I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
