Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
