Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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