you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
