how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
