Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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