dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
