Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I believe in your delicious
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
