plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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