Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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