some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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