Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
