I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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