does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize