Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Couch. On fire.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
