he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
