College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
