At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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