"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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